How To Change Yourself If You Want To Save Your Christian Marriage

You CAN Save Your Marriage, And Change Starts With You

I’ll never forget the moment I realized I was losing my marriage. It wasn’t during “another” explosive argument or after my wife threatened to leave (again). It was a quiet, crushing moment when I looked into her eyes and saw something I never thought I would: disappointment – in us, in herself, but more importantly, in me.

For years, I had worked hard to provide, to be the man I thought she wanted, but somewhere along the way, I had lost her -- not to another man, but to emotional exhaustion, silent frustration, and unmet expectations.

Your Marriage Is In Crisis, Can You Really Save Your Relationship?

Maybe you’re reading this because you’ve felt that same gut-wrenching realization I did. Maybe you’re not the man your wife fell in love with anymore. Maybe the love you once shared has been replaced with resentment, loneliness, or worst of all – apathy or indifference.

Brother, I know what it’s like to feel helpless in your own marriage. But let me tell you something right now: you can change. You can fight for your marriage. And it starts with you.

This isn’t about blaming your wife or waiting for her to change. This is about looking in the mirror, owning your part, and becoming the man God created you to be; a man your wife can trust, respect, and love again.

So, if you’re ready to change your marriage by changing yourself, let’s get to work.

How To Change Yourself And Do The Work Your Spouse Needs To Repair & Heal

Step 1: Repent and Take Responsibility

The first step to saving your marriage is admitting where you’ve fallen short. Not just to yourself, but to God.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9

When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden, what did Adam do? He blamed Eve. He pointed the finger instead of taking responsibility. And ever since, men have struggled to own their mistakes.

But hear me: real men don’t blame; real men repent.

• Have you been neglecting your wife emotionally?

• Have you been passive in your spiritual leadership?

• Have you let work, hobbies, or even ministry take priority over your marriage?

• Have you been unkind, impatient, or dismissive?

Repenting isn’t just saying “I’m sorry.” It’s acknowledging your failure, asking for forgiveness, and committing to real change.

Take some time to pray and ask God to reveal where you’ve fallen short. Then, go to your wife, not with excuses, but with humility. Tell her, “I know I haven’t been the husband you deserve, and I want to change. Not just for you, but for God and for us.”

This is where healing begins.

Step 2: Lead Spiritually—Starting Today

Most Christian men want to lead their families spiritually, but they feel unqualified. Maybe you weren’t raised by a godly father. Maybe you’ve been inconsistent in your own faith. Maybe you’re afraid your wife won’t respect you if you suddenly start praying over dinner.

Listen: you don’t need to be perfect to lead. You just need to be present.

“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15

Start small, but start today:

• Pray with your wife, even if it’s just a simple “God, bless our marriage.”

• Open the Bible together, even if it’s just one verse.

• Make Sunday church a non-negotiable.

• Speak words of faith and encouragement over your wife.

Your wife doesn’t need a pastor—she needs a husband who loves God more than he loves himself.

Step 3: Love Her Like Christ Loves the Church

The way you treat your wife is a direct reflection of your relationship with God. That’s why Paul doesn’t just say “love your wife,” he says:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25

How did Christ love the church?

• He sacrificed for her. Are you willing to put her needs above your own?

• He pursued her relentlessly. Are you still pursuing your wife?

• He never abandoned her. Does your wife feel secure in your love?

If your wife doesn’t feel cherished, protected, and prioritized, she will slowly withdraw. And it won’t be loud, it’ll be silent. Her heart will close off piece by piece until one day, you wake up and realize you’ve lost her.

So, pursue her again. Date her. Surprise her. Hold her hand. Speak life over her. Make her feel seen, loved, and treasured.

Step 4: Surround Yourself with Godly Men

Brother, you cannot change alone. You need men in your life who will call you higher, who will challenge you to be a better husband and father.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

If you don’t have a band of brothers, you’re fighting alone. And isolated men are weak men.

Find a group of godly men who will hold you accountable. Join a men’s discipleship group like Real Men 300 where you can grow in faith, leadership, and brotherhood.

You were never meant to do this alone.

Step 5: Commit to the Process

Your marriage won’t be saved overnight. Your wife may not trust your change at first. She may be skeptical, distant, or even hurt.

That’s okay.

You’re not changing to get a reaction; you’re changing to become the man God called you to be.

Commit to the process. Keep showing up. Keep loving. Keep leading. And in time, your wife will see the man God is “changing” you into.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

If You Want To Save Your Marriage, Become The Man Your Wife Needs You to Be

Brother, if you want to save your marriage, stop waiting for your wife to change. Change yourself.

• Repent and take responsibility.

• Lead spiritually.

• Love her sacrificially.

• Surround yourself with godly men.

• Stay committed to the process.

Your wife needs a man who follows Christ, loves deeply, and leads courageously. And by the grace of God, you can become that man.

So, what’s your next step? If you’re serious about becoming the man God called you to be and saving your marriage in the process, let’s talk. Set up a FREE Breakthrough Call today and take the first step toward restoring your marriage and reclaiming your purpose.

Because real men don’t run from their problems; they rise up and face them head-on.

Are you ready? Let’s go.