Supporting Your Loved One When They Have Mental Illness
When your wife is battling stress, worry, and/or anxiety, it can feel overwhelming for both of you. As her husband, if you’re anything like me, you naturally want to fix things, make life easier for her, and take away her pain—but anxiety isn’t something you can simply solve. Anxiety is a struggle that can touch every part of your wife’s life—emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Trust me, I’ve been there—watching my wife wrestle with fear and uncertainty, and feeling powerless to take it away. But through God’s Word and His grace, I’ve learned that supporting my wife isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about leaning on God, showing her Christ-like love, and taking small, faithful steps to encourage her.
And if find yourself walking a similar road with your wife, I want you to know you’re not alone. I know it can feel frustrating, even heartbreaking, to watch the woman you love wrestle with worry. But I also want to remind you that God has placed you in her life for this very moment—not to fix her, but rather to love her, support her, and point her to the One who can bring her true peace.
So, let me share what I’ve learned through my own journey of supporting my wife, by giving you biblical truth and some practical steps you can take to help yours.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 1
1.Take Time to Understand Her Struggle
One of the hardest things for me to grasp in supporting my wife was truly understanding how anxiety affected every part of her life—her mind, body, and spirit. Anxiety isn’t just about my wife “worrying too much” or “overthinking.” It’s a battle that can feel all-consuming, even when nothing seems wrong on the outside.
So, I had to learn to stop saying things her like, “Just relax” or “You’ll be fine.” Instead, I found it better to ask her questions like, “What’s on your mind?” or “How can I help or support you right now?”
And whenever she would eventually open up, I would do my best to try to listen without interrupting her or trying to solve the problem. Do I always do a good job of this, of course not, but Proverbs 12:25 reminds us, “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” So, I quickly discovered that sometimes, just being present and letting my wife talk can help lift some of the weight off her shoulders.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 2
2. Love Her the Way Jesus Loves You
Anxiety can make a person feel unworthy, ashamed, or even like a burden. But those are lies from the enemy, and they need to be drowned out with truth and love.
Ephesians 5:25 commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—sacrificially and unconditionally. This kind of love means showing up for your wife when it’s hard, being patient when she’s overwhelmed, and reminding her that she’s not broken or alone.
Try to do little things to show her your love, even when your words fail—like bringing home her favorite dessert, holding her hand during tough moments, or sending her a text or leaving her a note reminding her of how much you love her. These small gestures can show her that your love isn’t based on her “having it all together,” and that can make a huge difference.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 3
3. Gently Point Her Back to God
In the middle of an anxiety crisis, your wife may be struggling to see God’s peace. Her mind may get crowded with worries, and it could be hard for her to focus on His promises. That’s where you have an opportunity to step up and step in—not to preach at her, but to gently remind her of God’s truth.
One verse you can take her back to is 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” And when her anxiety is getting to be overwhelming, gently remind her that God is big enough to handle her worries and that His care for her is constant.
Ask to pray for her, even if it’s just a short prayer asking God for peace. Other times, you might want to share a verse or devotional with her that’s encouraged you when you were struggling. And one of the most meaningful things you can do is simply pray for her out loud, especially when she’s feeling too overwhelmed and is struggling to even pray for herself.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 4
4. Be Her Steady Anchor
I said earlier that when it comes to your wife’s anxiety, you don’t have to have all the answers; in fact, you don’t even have to be the answer, but you can be an anchor for her. Anxiety can make life feel unpredictable and chaotic for her; so that’s why it even more important for you to be her steady anchor.
Just try to show up consistently for her, whether it’s helping her with daily tasks, running errands, or just being present when she’s feeling overwhelmed. One thing I’ve learned, when it comes to Tonya, is that I don’t have to “fix” everything—sometimes, just sitting beside her and letting her know I’m there for her is enough.
As an anchor, work to protect your wife’s peace. If there’s something in her life that’s causing unnecessary stress—a packed schedule, toxic relationships, or even too much screen time—gently encourage her to set boundaries. Her knowing you’re on her team can help her feel more secure.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 5
5. Help Her Find the Right Support
I must admit, there was a time when I thought I could be everything Tonya needed whenever she struggled with anxiety. But I’ve come to understand that God places other people in our lives—counselors, pastors, and trusted friends—to help us through the most difficult seasons. So no, you don’t have be everything your wife needs; however, God wants to use you, as well as others, to help meet the needs that matter most to your wife.
Don’t be afraid to encourage your wife to meet with a Christian counselor, your Pastor, her spiritual mom, or whoever you trust to share godly wisdom with her and show her unconditional love. Focus on helping her find a safe space to process her emotions. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Show her that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a step of faith.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 6
6. Encourage Rest and Renewal
One thing I didn’t realize when I would help my wife deal with her anxiety is how much it could drain her energy. Tonya often finds herself taking care of everything and everyone else, to a point, that she forgets to care for herself.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” So, I try to remind her that rest is a gift from God, not a luxury, and she can’t keep “serving others” if she doesn’t first “preserve herself.”
If your wife is like mine, always busy, encourage her to take a nap, spend time in prayer, or step away from her responsibilities for a while; let her know it’s okay to slow down.
Be intentional about creating moments of peace in your home. Whether it’s turning off the TV, lighting a candle, running her a bath, or playing calming worship music, these little moments can help her feel more at ease.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 7
7. Speak Life and Truth into Her Heart
Anxiety can fill your wife’s mind with lies like —“I’m not enough,” “Things will never get better,” or “I’m a burden.” So, one of the most important things you can do as her husband is to counter those lies with God’s truth.
Remind your wife often that she is:
Deeply loved (Romans 8:38-39).
Chosen and precious to God (1 Peter 2:9).
Never alone (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Make it a habit to speak words of affirmation to her daily, even when she seems fine. Letting your wife know she’s valued and cherished—by you and by God—can help her combat the negativity and false narratives in her mind.
How To Support Your Wife When She Suffers From Anxiety - Tip 8
8. Trust God with the Process
I’ll admit, this is the hardest part for me—surrendering my wife’s anxiety to God. Because as much as I want to take away Tonya’s pain, I’ve realized that healing is in God’s hands, not mine. He has reminded me on countless occasions, that He’s called me to “serve” my wife, not to “save” her.
Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse we should all cling to, as husbands, when it comes to supporting our wives when they’re struggling with anxiety: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Personally, I’ve had to learn to let go of my need to control the outcome and instead trust that God is working in her life, even when I can’t see it.
Helping Your Spouse Who Has Anxiety Is Possible With God's Help
So in short, if your wife is struggling with anxiety, know that you are not alone in this journey. God has placed you in her life as her partner, encourager, and spiritual leader. It’s not an easy road, but with God’s help, you can walk beside her in love and faith, pointing her to His peace.
Remember, you don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t need all the answers. Simply showing up, leaning on God, and loving her the way Christ loves us will make all the difference. Trust that God is working in both of your lives, and take it one small, faithful step at a time.
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