How to Practice Forgiveness in Marriage
I never knew how hard forgiveness could be until I needed it from the person who I loved and hurt the most…my ex-wife.
Marriage has a way of bringing out the best and the worst in all of us. You make your vows before God, promising to love and cherish each other through all circumstances, yet we often find ourselves wounded by the very person we thought would never hurt us. But it wasn’t until the tables were turned on me, and I had to give forgiveness, that I realized how much I struggled with it myself as a man.
Maybe you’ve been there, sitting in the wreckage of a harsh word, a broken promise, or a betrayal you never saw coming. Your heart feels torn, and resentment starts whispering that it’s easier to build a wall than to rebuild trust. But as Christian husbands, we are called to something deeper, something holier. Forgiveness isn’t just a suggestion by God, it’s a command from God. And when we walk in it, we reflect the very heart of Christ.
What Does True Forgiveness Look Like In a Christian Marriage?
Is it pretending nothing ever happened? Does it mean forgetting it ever happened? And how do we move forward when the pain still lingers – even years later? I want to share with you the “hard truth” I learned from the Bible about forgiveness and how we can live it out in the sacred covenant of marriage, even when it seems like it’s impossible.
1. Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Feeling
One of the greatest misconceptions we have about forgiveness is that we have to feel ready to do it. But the Bible makes it clear that forgiveness is an act of obedience, not an emotion.
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
In marriage, this means that even when our emotions rage against us, we make the choice to extend grace and mercy. It doesn’t mean minimizing the offense or ignoring the pain; it just means choosing to release our spouse from the debt we believe they owe us. Just as Christ forgave us, we forgive our spouse, not because they necessarily deserve it, but because we have been undeservedly forgiven by God ourselves.
2. Forgiveness Doesn’t Excuse the Hurt, But It Releases the Power of It
One of the biggest hurdles in forgiving our spouse is the fear that it will let them “off the hook.” But biblical forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrongdoing, it’s about releasing the hold it has over your heart.
Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
When we harbor unforgiveness, it poisons our hearts and our marriage. It allows bitterness to take root, and before you know it, that bitterness begins to affect everything. But when you choose to forgive, you break the chains of resentment and invite God’s healing into your heart.
3. Forgiveness is Not Forgetting, But Choosing to Remember Differently
People often say, “Forgive and forget,” but let’s be honest, that’s not always possible. Deep wounds leave scars, and memories don’t simply disappear. However, biblical forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about choosing to remember it through the lens of grace.
In the Bible, Joseph (the son of Jacob) had every reason to hold a grudge against his brothers, but instead, he told them in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.”
In marriage, forgiveness is acknowledging the hurt, but it’s also trusting God to use even the broken parts of our relationship for His glory.
4. Forgiveness is an Ongoing Process
Wouldn’t it be nice if forgiveness was just a one-time event? But the truth is, sometimes we have to wake up every day and choose to forgive again…and again. Some wounds take time to heal, and forgiveness must be continually practiced for true forgives to take root.
When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone, Jesus replied, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). This wasn’t about us keeping score; it was about embracing a heart posture of continual grace.
In marriage, this means that even when old wounds try to resurface, we have to remind ourselves of the commitment we made before God, which is to love and forgive as He forgave us.
5. Forgiveness Leads to Restoration, But Not Always Immediately
Forgiving your spouse doesn’t mean things will instantly go back to the way they were. Trust may take time to rebuild; healing is a journey. But forgiveness is the first step towards restoration.
2 Corinthians 5:18 tells us, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”
In marriage, forgiveness opens the door for reconciliation, allowing God to restore what was broken. But also remember, it only takes one person to forgive, but it takes two people to reconcile.
6. Forgiveness Requires God’s Strength, Not Just Our Own
If forgiveness feels impossible, it’s because it is—at least in our own strength. But God never asks us to do something without equipping us.
Philippians 4:13 reminds us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
When you struggle with forgiveness in your christian marriage, take it to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him for the grace to extend mercy, for the strength to move forward, and for the healing only He can bring. God is faithful, and He will give you the power to forgive, even when it feels impossible.
7. Forgiveness Isn’t the Goal, Freedom Is
Forgiveness in marriage isn’t easy. It’s messy, painful, and often requires more humility than we’d like to give. But it is also one of the most powerful gifts we can offer our spouse—and ourselves.
When We Choose Forgiveness In Christian Marriage, We Choose Freedom.
We choose healing over bitterness, peace over resentment, and love over pride. We reflect Christ’s love in the most profound way, showing the world that true love—godly love—is rooted in grace.
So, if you’re struggling to forgive your spouse, take heart. God sees your pain, and He walks with you through it. Bring your hurt before Him, allow His grace to fill you, and choose to extend that grace to your spouse. Because we are never more like Christ than when we choose to forgive others like God forgave us.