God's Idea For Marriage
A good friend of mine once told me, when it comes to God’s plan for something, there’s only going to be one of two outcomes: either God’s WILL, will be done or God’s will, WILL be done. Now let that sink in for just a minute.
Everything that God creates, including marriage, is for a divine and eternal purpose; he doesn’t waste anything. And when it comes to God’s purpose for marriage, He will either have it His way or He will have His way – with or without us.
That’s why God always shows His followers His way of doing things, and then He (as Jesus did) invites us to either walk in that way or to walk away from it (Mark 10:17-27).
Likewise, when it comes to doing marriage God’s way, God offers us 1 of 5 choices. And even though He allows us to choose what type of marriage we want to have, only ONE way is HIS way, but all five (5) ways come with relational consequences.
So, let’s look at God’s way for marriage.
Doing Marriage God's Way As A Christian
God created marriage and desires our marriage to reflect His love relationship with us so others could find, understand, and accept His invitation to love Him.
First in foremost, let’s see what God’s original blueprint was for marriage:
Gen 2:18-25 – “Then the LORD God said, `It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’ Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So, the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, ``This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
In Revelation 19:7-9, John describes our relationship with God this way, “Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb (Jesus) has come and His bride (us – the church) has made herself ready." It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, ``Write, `Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" And he said to me, ``These are true words of God."
A more familiar verse for Christian men is Ephesian 5:25-31, where Paul explains God’s relationship with us this way, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church (us) and gave Himself up for her (us – the church), so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So, husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church (us), because we are members of His body. for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Biblical Marriage - 5 Types
Considering these scriptures, let’s examine the five (5) types of marriages that Christians can choose to pursue, along with the consequences of each choice.
The first is marriage God’s way, which is a marriage where BOTH of husband AND wife are surrendered and submitted to God, His will, and His way (seeking His holiness – as referred to in Ephesians 5:26), and then mutually submitted to each other. When we choose to do marriage this way, GOD is GLORIFIED and His kingdom here on earth is MULTIPLIED.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:33 to, seek first GOD’S kingdom and HIS righteousness, and ALL THINGS will be added unto us. And He goes on to say in Matthew 16:24, “If anyone wishes to come after ME, he must DENY himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.”
The second way Christians can choose to do marriage is to pursue a marriage where YOU demand, manipulate, or try to intimidate your wife to submit to you, your will, your way (seeking your own happiness). If a husband chooses to do marriage this way, he might be temporarily SATISFIED, but he will ultimately be DENIED by God.
1 Peter 3:7 reminds us as husbands, “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
The third way Christians can choose to do marriage, YOU can choose to submit and surrender to God, His will, and His way, but your WIFE may choose not to by seeking her own happiness. In this type of relationship, your desires must be CRUCIFIED, which will be very unpleasant for you, but in the end, you will be JUSTIFIED by God.
Galatians 6:9 offers us some hope in this type of marriage, “Do not lose heart in doing good, for in due time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.”
The fourth way Christians can choose to do marriage is when BOTH husband and wife choose to rebel by refusing to submit to God, His will, His desires, and His way by seeking their own happiness instead of God’s holiness. In addition to creating a marriage centered on selfishness, the results will end up with both spouses being DISQUALIFIED from the blessings of God, and in a sense, committing spiritual SUICIDE with God.
Paul writes in Romans 6:22-23, “But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification (holiness), and the outcome, eternal life. For the wages of sin (rebellion against God) is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Philippians 2:3,4 also commands us as Christians, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
And the fifth way Christians can choose to do marriage is by BOTH submitting to each other’s will and each other’s way, but not God’s will and God’s way. In other words, they can choose to pursue each other’s happiness over God’s holiness.
Although this may sound good on the surface and what modern day culture promotes, this can result in “going along to get along” and “spouse pleasing” which ultimately results in spiritual, and possible, generational GENOCIDE by misrepresenting God in the marriage, thus making our spouses into a false idol.
Proverbs 22:6 suggests that we, “Train up a child in the way they should go, so when they get older, they won’t depart from it.”
And God reminds us in Exodus 20:3, “You shall have no other gods before me.” And in Leviticus 19:4, God warns us, “Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any false gods: I am the Lord your God.”
I realize that most of us, as Christian men, were not taught marriage God’s way before we got married. But think about how this could’ve changed your mindset if you were.
Having A Christ Centered Marriage IS God's Way
The first way of marriage, mutual submission to God and then to each other, isn’t a suggestion from God, it’s a command. It’s not a command because God wants to control us, but rather because he knows His purpose for marriage, and He wants to protect us from allowing selfishness, idolatry, and pride to destroy it.
