Christian Men and Porn Addiction
As provocative as the title of this blog article is, it wasn’t necessarily crafted to grab your attention, but rather an attempt to awaken Christian men out of an unconscious slumber when it comes to porn.
We’ve heard the alarming statistics when it comes to Christian men and porn:
97% of Christian men have watched porn.
68% of Christian men view porn on a regular basis (monthly or more).
37% of Christian men view porn several times a week.
33% of Christian Pastors are addicted to porn.
And the numbers go on and on.
However, contrary to what all the data shows, porn is NOT the problem when it comes to Christian men. And I think I’m uniquely qualified to make such a counter-cultural claim.
One, because I’m a recovering sex and porn addict.
Two, my addiction destroyed a 16-year marriage to my first wife.
Three, I’ve been “sober” (sexually pure) for more 19 years and counting.
And four, I now lead a Christian men’s organization, called Real Men Connect, that has successfully helped hundreds of men break free from porn and spiritually lead their families AFTER their addiction.
So, why do I say porn isn’t a Christian man’s problem?
Because the truth is, porn is just a bad solution to a Christian man’s real problem. In other words, porn is just the wrong medication of choice to temporarily treat and ineffectively heal a deeper wound in the heart of a Christian man.
So, what is the wound that Christian men consistently and unsuccessfully try to heal through porn or any other addiction (i.e., drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, money, work, video gaming, working out, sports, etc.)? The real problem is the heart-felt wound caused by their stolen and damaged identity in Christ; that now causes them to see themselves as slaves to sin rather than sons of God.
Christian Men and Porn Addiction Isn't a Sex Problem, It's a Spiritual Problem
Allow me to explain.
God created Adam, and humankind, so we could have a personal, intimate relationship with Him. God created us in His own image so we could enjoy Him; and He wanted us to enjoy the joy of enjoying Him. In other words, God built us for intimacy – with Him.
Several times in Genesis, whenever God created something, and He said, “It was good.” But in Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
This is a very interesting verse, because as God granted Adam dominion on the Earth to name the animals, we never hear of Adam complaining about being alone, needing a mate, feeling horny and restless, or anything sexual. In other words, Adam was completely satisfied being the “apple” of God’s eternal eye.
It wasn’t Adam who asked for or suggested Eve; it was God who said He would make a helper “suitable” for Adam.
However, after the fall of man and the pair on the ground ate the forbidden fruit on the tree, everything went south. Adam and Eve chose to hide from God instead of accept responsibility; blame and shame each another, instead of ask for forgiveness; and they began to look to each other to satisfy their needs instead of God.
So, basically, the “Helper” that was supposed to be “suitable” for man ended up becoming the “replacement” for God; and we have been searching to find our identity in people, position, pleasure, possessions, power, prosperity, and need I say, porn, ever since.
Sexual Satisfaction Doesn't Heal Emotional Pain
The wounds in our hearts were usually caused during our childhood when we first encountered either loss, rejection, abandonment, abuse, rage, fear, or emotional pain and suffering in a significant relationship. Those trauma wounds broke the intimacy we had (or were developing) in those relationships, and it caused us to question everything we thought about ourselves, others, and the concept of love itself.
My trauma wound was caused by the abandonment of my father, the addiction of my mother, and the sexual abuse I endured from a close family member. But for others, it could’ve been caused by the death of a loved one; the divorce of their parents; bullying suffered in school; the rejection or betrayal of a girl; public humiliation; verbal or physical abuse; or the abuse of power by an authority figure.
Regardless of what the wound was, the damaged that was caused to our inner child required emotional comfort and support from a loving parent or caring adult. But the truth is, more than likely, we either received little or no support or the wrong kind of support as children.
Even the most well-intentioned parents tried to either eliminate the pain or solve the problem – which on the surface is okay, but doesn’t address the immediate problem, which is the wound in the heart and the blow to the child’s identity (i.e., what they believe about themselves in light of that trauma).
The Bible says in John 10:10, “The thief (Satan) comes to steal, kill, and destroy.” And I personally believe, having worked with thousands of men in ministry and after interviewing well over 500 guests on my podcast, that what the thief comes to STEAL is our identity in Christ. Because if he can successfully steal our identity (i.e., who we THINK we are), he knows he can KILL our relationships with others (i.e., with our wives, other women, and children). And if he successfully steals our identity and kills our relationships, he can accomplish his ultimate mission, which is DESTROY our legacy (i.e., what we’re remembered for by those who love us).
Think about it, if you’re currently struggling with porn as a Christian man, and your secret has been discovered, and it’s damaged your relationship with your wife and family, what do you think those who’ve been impacted the most will remember about you if you died tonight? That you were a “good” Christian man who had a “bad” porn problem.
Our identity is the REAL problem, not porn. Porn (or any other addiction) is something you do or watch to cope with internal emotional pain; but it’s NOT who you are. And as Christians, we are NOT defined by our behavior; we’re defined by who God says we are.
Allow me to go even deeper…
You are NOT your job.
You are NOT your education or level of intelligence.
You are NOT your paycheck or bank account.
You are NOT your reputation, position, or status.
You are NOT your perceived power, strength, or weakness.
You are NOT your mistakes, poor choices, or bad decisions.
You are NOT your fears, doubts, or insecurities.
You are NOT your past pain or past trauma.
You are NOT your regrets or missed opportunities.
You are NOT your parents, upbringing, siblings, or family.
You are NOT your race, culture, nationality, or creed.
You are NOT your religion, church, or place of worship.
You are NOT other peoples’ opinions of you.
You are NOT even your opinion of yourself.
You ARE who GOD says you are.
And WHO are you? Well, GOD says…
You are a new creation in Christ, and you've been made new, because you've been born again. - 2 Cor 5:17
You're forgiven, renewed, redeemed, delivered, holy, and blameless before Him. - Eph. 1:4
You were crucified WITH Christ and so you're justified IN Christ, raised to reign WITH Him. - Gal. 2:20
You are a champion and you're chosen, and you've been called out of darkness. - 1 Peter 2:9
You're more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ who loves you. - Rom 8:37
You've been set apart and set up to win, not to sin. Jer 1:5
You're dead to sin and alive in Christ. - Rom. 6:11
You have a spirit of power, love, and self-control, so your enemies no longer control you. - 2 Tim 1:7
You're God's workmanship, created for His good works, which He prepared for you before you even knew who He was. - Eph 2:10
You are a child of God, and He ADOPTED you. - Rom 8:14-15
You are a rightful heir of God and an heir of Christ. - Rom 8:17
You're blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. - Eph 1:3
Your life is hidden with Christ in God, so others (including the enemy) must go through HIM if they want to find YOU. - Col 3:3
You're the righteousness of God, so even when you're wrong, He makes you righteous. - 2 Cor 5:21
You've been appointed, anointed, signed, sealed, and delivered through His Son's blood. - 2 Cor 1:21
You're an overcomer and victorious because you believe in Him. - 1 John 5:4-5
You're confident, bold, and unashamed because you abide and reside in Him. - 1 John 2:28
You're always bearing fruit for His kingdom. - John 15:5
You're strengthened, free, loved, and even liked, because He calls you friend. - John 15:15
You are so valuable that God purchased you by sacrificing His only Son for you. - John 3:16
You're not your own, your body is His temple, and His Spirit lives inside of you. - 1 Cor 3:16
You're God's servant; you work for Him, not for man. - Col 3:23
You're His disciple, and you're conforming to the image of His Son every day. - Rom. 8:29
You are salt and light to this world. - Matt 5:13-16
You know the truth, and the truth sets you free. - John 8:32
You are saved, not by what you've done, but by what Jesus did. - Titus 3:5
You came through your Mama, but you are God's child, and you belong to Him. - John 1:12
Since you are God's beloved child, then you're expected to imitate Him, not your parents. - Eph 5:1
You are good enough, because God's sufficiency makes you good enough. - 2 Cor 3:5
Absolutely NOTHING can separate you from God's love. - Rom 8:38-39
Christian Men Struggling With Porn Actually Lack This
Truly understanding God’s truth about WHO you are IN Christ will transform your life and heal your heart in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. And here’s why.
What you do or haven’t done or what’s been done to you or not done for you, will never define who you really are; but what you BELIEVE about who you are will always define what you will do and how you will respond to others.
That’s why the Bible tells us in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
The reason why we are so attracted to porn, is because it promises “false intimacy,” which is unconditional love without responsibility or relationship. The truth is, there is no “true intimacy” without the responsibility of a relationship.
From the beginning, God created us for real intimacy with Him, so we could properly love and serve others honestly, sacrificially, faithfully, compassionately, and mercifully – the same way Jesus Christ loved us when he went to the cross to save us. Porn doesn’t supply any of that type of love. As I said earlier, it’s a bad solution to a real problem, because it’s the wrong medication to a deeper wound.
The truth is, porn or any other addiction or woman, will never heal the wound in a Christian man’s heart; only Jesus Christ can do that.
And if you’d like to take the necessary steps to restoring your “true identity” in Christ and finally break free from the bondage of porn, we would like to help you. Just click on the link below to set up a FREE Breakthrough Call with me, so we can talk about it: https://RealMenConnect.com/call.
Are you stuck? Want to get your faith, marriage, family, career and finances back on track? Then maybe it’s time you got a coach. Every CHAMPION has one. Schedule an appointment to chat with Dr. Joe on how we can help you spiritually love and lead your family better and become the hero of your home.
Dr. Joe takes on only a few Breakthrough Calls each week to help you with your faith, marriage, work, and financial challenges. The call is FREE, but slots are limited to ONE call only. NO RESCHEDULES. Just click on the link below and select the BREAKTHROUGH CALL option to set up an appointment: http://TalkwithDrJoe.com If no slots are available, please check back in a week.