Big Questions About Christians and Porn
When my best friend and brother in Christ, John Ramos, lead me in the sinner’s prayer and re-dedicating my life to Christ, the transformation in my life was nothing short of miraculous. Of course, I’m sure that’s not surprising to hear, as most men, who are sincere about their faith, would probably share a similar testimony. However, my story of redemption is a little different. Allow me to explain.
I’m a recovering porn and sex addict who destroyed a 16-year marriage to my former wife. I’m currently re-married to my second wife of 12 years, and I’ve been walking successfully in sexual integrity, free from porn, for the past 19 years.
Yes, God delivered, redeemed, and restored me, and I now run a global men’s ministry called Real Men Connect that helps Christian men in crisis win at what matters most when it comes to their marriages, families, relationships, and careers. I also host the top-rated podcast on Apple Podcast for Christian men called Real Men Connect with more than 3.7+ million downloads.
I say all of this because when most men hear my story, they assume it was easy to break free from my addiction to porn and sex. They assume, because they see and hear me in the present; but they weren’t along with me at the beginning of the journey.
Watching Porn Turns Us Away From God
After recommitting my life to Christ, I was both elated and euphoric. I deeply felt God’s merciful forgiveness, and I fully accepted and embraced my new identity in Christ; but, and this was a big BUT, just because the “new man” emerged didn’t mean the “old man” was going to easily ride off into the sunset. In other words, I couldn’t easily dismiss him.
That “old man” and Satan would constantly ask me questions like:
“I know you’ve given your life to Christ, but God was talking about your heart, not your body; doesn’t that still belong to you? And aren’t you able to do with it as you please?”
“God made you a man; so as long as you don’t hurt anybody, won’t he understand that your love for women is natural and just part of your nature?”
“Everyone knows that walking away from porn and women is darn near impossible to do; so, wouldn’t God understand you watching a little porn, as long as you don’t physically cross the line with women?”
“As long as you watch porn in private, how harmful could it really be?”
What I quickly realized is that my flesh (my body) knew that quitting porn, masturbation, and fornication would not be easy, so in my mind, Satan was seeing how close he could get me to compromise on sin without totally committing my soul to Christ.
So, I knew if I ever wanted to defeat the “old man,” I had to start one step at a time, not worrying about the entire staircase. And the first step was dealing with watching porn. I had to believe in my heart, and be convinced, that viewing porn was not only a sin, but detrimental to my soul. So, I had to start with the elephant question in the room:
Can Christians watch porn?
I knew if I couldn’t come up with a definitive answer for this, and the truth to back it up, I would never be able to break free from my porn and sex addiction.
When I humbled myself and asked God about porn, the answer to the question, can Christians watch porn, was a definitive “No.” And even though I heard the Holy Spirit loud and clear on this issue, I still needed to know WHY, so I could deal with that part of my flesh that still wanted to watch porn and justify it later.
So, I asked God, if the answer to the question of can Christians watch porn is no, can you give me some reasons why, so I won’t ever choose to compromise my pursuit of sexual purity.
And like always, God obliged by revealing His truth and His character to me, and thus transforming my heart and renewing my mind concerning porn.
Here are 4 solid reasons why it wasn’t okay for me to watch porn:
Because watching porn will weaken my relationship with God.
Nothing we do is ever done in a vacuum. Meaning, whatever we do, say, watch, read, listen to, or think, is either strengthening our relationship with God (i.e., moving us closer to Him) or weakening our relationship with Him (i.e., pulling us away from Him). We just have to be honest with ourselves and with God about it.
I have never watched porn, masturbated, or slept with another woman and felt good about myself AFTER I did it. Truth be told, I felt pleasure in the moment of doing it (i.e., a sudden dopamine hit and adrenalin rush), but shortly afterwards, I would feel shame, regret, guilt, and even remorse.
I see now that those emotions were given to us by God to give us feedback on our heart condition; so, we shouldn’t ignore them, but rather confront them. Porn never made me feel closer to God; it never made me feel good about myself; it didn’t make me a more loving husband or wiser father; and it didn’t improve my relationships with others.
Because watching porn prevents me from having true intimacy with others.
In the beginning, God created man (and woman) for relationship and fellowship with Him. He loved us so much that He wanted us to enjoy the joy of knowing and loving Him. It was true intimacy. Intimacy is agape love when two people love each other unconditionally for who they are, not what for what they can give or do for each other.
True intimacy is giving someone full access to your heart, so they know what makes you strong and what makes you weak; what makes you confident and what makes you feel insecure; what gives you courage and what frightens you; what you’re proud of and what you’re ashamed of; what you love and what you hate. Not only do they know all of this about you, but they’re also willing to love you in spite of it.
So, intimacy is unconditional love with a responsibility and willingness to give what you most want to receive from a person. And porn is just the opposite; it’s false intimacy. It only takes what it can get without accepting the responsibility and commitment to reciprocate.
Because watching porn provokes me to lust, not love.
Lust is any ungodly desire for something that God considers good. God made woman, love, and sex, and there’s nothing wrong with any of them if they’re desired, pursued, and fulfilled in the confines of a marriage. God didn’t design it this way to hurt us and deny us from having fun, but rather to protect us from harming each other.
Watching porn doesn’t promote love, even if you “love” the female body and “love” looking at beautiful women. Porn only provokes “lust” by giving us an unhealthy desire for something that doesn’t rightfully belong to us. Just think about if a strange man deliberately viewed naked pictures of your wife, daughter, or sister. Beyond getting angry and enraged, you wouldn’t say that man was “in love” with your wife, daughter, or sister, would you? But you would agree that man was “in lust” with them.
Because watching porn wouldn’t make Jesus smile.
When I decided to rededicate my life to Christ, I was admitting publicly that I was no longer choosing to live my life for myself anymore, but rather I was deciding to recommit myself to living for God. That meant, I was inviting the spirit of God to come in and change my desires for the things I used to pursue and to replace those desires with the things that were most pleasing to Him.
The truth of the matter is, God knows all about porn, and man has taken what God wonderfully and masterfully created – a woman’s body - and used it for everything except what God intended it for, including recreation, exploitation, manipulation, money, and temptation (among other things). I can’t believe this can make Jesus smile; just the contrary, I know it must make Him weep every time we watch porn.
Of course, every man is different, but those four (4) reasons were more than enough to answer my question, can Christians watch porn?
“Yes” Christians CAN watch porn, but the REAL question is why would any Christian man want to – if it weakens his relationship with God; prevents him from experiencing true intimacy; feeds his desire for lust while starving his godly desire for love; and it makes Jesus weep?
Are you stuck? Want to get your faith, marriage, family, career and finances back on track? Then maybe it’s time you got a coach. Every CHAMPION has one. Schedule an appointment to chat with Dr. Joe on how we can help you spiritually love and lead your family better and become the hero of your home.
Dr. Joe takes on only a few Breakthrough Calls each week to help you with your faith, marriage, work, and financial challenges. The call is FREE, but slots are limited to ONE call only. NO RESCHEDULES. Just click on the link below and select the BREAKTHROUGH CALL option to set up an appointment: http://TalkwithDrJoe.com If no slots are available, please check back in a week.