A-R-M Question: How do you know if she’s “THE ONE”?

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instaquote-10-03-2015-19-22-04Some people  believe in “love at first sight,” while others say there’s no such thing.  Whichever side of the fence you stand on, one thing we know for sure is that every REAL MAN (single) who finds himself attracted to a new woman almost involuntarily wonders, “Is she THE ONE?”  The REAL MEN Contributors (those who are married) on this site all have one thing in common: they found THE ONE.  But the question inquiring minds want to know is, “Bro, how did you know?”  Check out our REAL MEN responses below.  Who knows, God just may confirm in your spirit that you too may have found “your good thing.”



Joe Martin says:

Jamon Smith writes:

How did I know I found the one?  That’s a long story, but here it goes.

From about mid-way through college, I was on the look-out for “the one.” At the time, I knew what I thought I wanted in “the one.” I wanted a certain look, a certain education level, somebody with a sense of humor, someone who cared about the community, someone who was a Christian and someone with a career.

I dated a few women who met my ever-growing criteria, but things just didn’t work out. I wondered why things kept going horribly wrong. Some of the relationships ended up being terrible.

After a while, I started to feel like I would never find my wife. My “list” became extremely long as time went on and I determined that if a woman couldn’t meet everything on it from the jump, she wouldn’t be worth my time.

Well, I met a few women who did meet my strict requirements. They showed interest, so I proceeded to date them. The results: the straw that broke the camel’s back. Not only did the relationships not work out, they spent me emotionally and psychologically. My heart turned to an icebox, and I became “a playa” for a while. In that state of mind, women came fast and easy, and I pretty much did what I wanted, but I was empty.

After a while, I broke again, but this time I finally looked to God. I came to God on knees, crying, slobbering and broken. I told Him that I obviously could not find the right person on my own doing things my way, so I give up.  I told God that if it’s meant for me to have a wife, He would have to bring her into my life.  I also told God that I would start taking Him more seriously.  I would stop sinning against him by having pre-marital sex; I would get involved in church, start reading the Bible daily, and I would pray several times a day.

I threw my list out the window and only had one requirement: she had to be a REAL Christian AND be the one God had for me. Period.

For about a year, I kept to myself, just studying God’s Word, volunteering at church, working and staying low key. I dated about one or two women, but they were only first dates. They were nice women, but I didn’t feel like they were the one.  After a while, I began to get frustrated again, and I went to my pastor and told him what I had been going through. He said he would pray for me and get back with me. He text me at about 3:43 a.m. the next morning and said, “Peace be still. You’ve done enough searching; God is going to bring her to you.”

He said I would meet her in nine days. So I patiently waited on God. Nine days passed and nothing happened. But 19 days later, I got a message from a woman who said she had worked with me briefly before. She said she just wanted to say “hi.”  I smiled big.  She was incredibly cute and had a beautiful smile, but her looks were only the tip of the iceberg.

We started talking through internet messages and after about four hours of conversation, I asked for her phone number. She gave it to me, and then we text messaged each other for about two hours. After that I called her. We talked for about eight hours on the phone – it had to be like 5 a.m. when we stopped. Our conversation was natural and easy, like I had known her my whole life – how cliché, right?

I asked her out and it was the best first date I ever had. We talked and laughed until both places we attended – first one and then another – closed down. It was electric. The chemistry was strong.  I prayed about her and got nothing but feelings of confirmation and ease. As I continued to date her and saw how she supported me through a devastating tornado that destroyed everything I had, I realized that she was indeed “the one,” and I started making plans to marry her.  Eleven months after we started dating, I popped the question, she said yes, and she’s now my wife and has a bun in the oven.

My advice to men (and women) who are searching for “the one” is to ask God for her/him.  God made you.  And He made “the one” for you as well.  Then why is it that we try to find this one person out of 7 billion people on our own?  The problem is us.  We’re arrogant and think that we can do things without God.  We can do NOTHING without God.  Adam didn’t look for Eve. He desired to have a companion, God saw that, and HE provided him with a wife.  God is our provider.  In EVERYTHING, we should look to Him. He loves us and has someone for us if we so desire to be married.  We just have to be obedient to God and get our own lives in order first.

God had a RELATIONSHIP with Adam before He blessed Adam with a wife. God also gave Adam a job BEFORE He gave him Eve. Get on track, be prayerful and watch God work. When you’re in order with Him, He will bless you in HIS time. Just remain patient and faithful.

Bobby James writes:

How does one know if “she’s the one”?  She is THE one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to share my life with, the one I want to raise a family with, the one I want to share my God with.  Whoa, wait a minute, the one I want to share my God with?  That last “want” may be a misstatement, because I think God has already shared Himself with us by telling us “this is the one.”

This is what I believe.  Even before we are born, God knows the  future He has for us.  That statement does not mean, though, that we are predestined.  We still have freedom of choice, freedom to choose to follow our Lord or not to.  But God knows His plans for us; and by knowing those plans, He knows who He has chosen for us to marry.  Our job is to be in a relationship with the Lord, so when we encounter “THE one,” we will know this is the ONE!!  If however, like many of us, we are not in that intimate relationship with Jesus, we very well may miss the one that God chose for us to marry.

And believe me fellows, it’s tough.  We men judge women on a variety of levels: looks (sexy), personality, wealth, how they pump up our ego, etc.  All of those elements can be important in picking the right one, but the most important factor is Who has God chosen for us to marry.

So as we go through the process of picking our life’s partner, stay close to God.  Pray for His wisdom, His guidance, His will to help you make this life-altering decision.  God NEVER makes a mistake!

Eric Sims writes:

Praise the Lord.  There might be a lot of answers for finding the one; but the union between a man and women, the purpose, is that the two shall become ONE flesh.  Just as Adam and Eve were in the beginning, a man and a woman is a shadow of Christ and His bride, the church (Eph. 5:22-33). This is the mystery of the marriage union.

For a man of God, the one is found only by the leading of the Spirit. Because the marriage for the believer is to reflect the glory of God in the earth as His great love for the church and the believer.

I met my wife at choir practice and the Spirit of the Lord, said “wife,” and He told me that our first kiss would be on the day of our marriage.  It is also important to know that LOVE is more than a feeling and a glance; it (love) is a choice and confirmed in a vow to the Lord and before witnesses. Better or worst, richer or poorer, sickness and in health until death shall you part.  Out of a “man of God’s” relationship with the Lord “the one” will always be found.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

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  1. For me, this was a simple answer. I knew my wife was,”The One,” because everything in her made everything in me long, need and desire to be BETTER than I was. Not in order to attain more wealth, but to become a better man, father and husband than I was previously. Not so I could boast about my accomplishments, but to strive for the things that I was afraid to even attempt before. When I truly “saw” the woman that she was, it caused me to want be a man worthy of a woman on her level.

    In essence, I knew because she didn’t try to force me to change, but she nurtured and accepted the man that was already before her.

  2. This article was so full of blessing. The tesimony from Jamon Smith epitomises my situation right now. I need God first then He will bring the right one to me

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